I Dream of Excel

I’m guessing that when runners get too sore, they know it’s time to wind things down. Same goes for guitarists whose hands turn to callus-central, or singers whose voices stay back at the hotel room for shows. What’s the equivalent for a work-from-home type like me? I used to think it was one’s chair giving out from too much use, but, as of last Thursday, there’s a new contender: using Microsoft Excel in a dream.

Not a real photo from my dream.

I can’t remember the details. All I know is that while I lay in bed on Wednesday night, recovering from a day of hard spreadsheet-related labor, I saw in my slumber the green, gray, and white atrocity that is Microsoft Excel. Was I doing accounting work? Inventory? Calculating a vehicle loan? I’m not sure. All I know is that it needs to stop.

Dreams are supposed to be pure and natural, or at the very least, free from productivity software developed in the 90’s. So, please, Microsoft, stay out of my dreams. If you agree to do that, I’ll stop using Google Sheets for my collaborative spreadsheets. And you don’t want me to make the permanent switch, because there’s no coming back.

Another artistic representation of my dream. T-shirt prints coming soon.

I’ve decided to go from working 12 hours a day to working 8 hours a day, at least for the rest of this week. Or, maybe not. All I know is that if the Excel nightmare comes back, I’m going to have to take a long, hard look at how often I’m using my computer.